Totally
by Malteaser
Summary: Spock and T'Pring, sittin' in a tree...


Jim liked to think he was getting pretty good at understanding Vulcan. Well, understanding Vulcan body language, at any rate, but then again, how much of communication was body language? 85 percent? 90? Something like that. He'd have to check with Uhura later.

So anyway. Good with Vulcan body language. Very, _very_ good with Spock's body language. Both Spocks. For example, Ambassador Spock was currently flipping the fuck out. Yeah sure, he was almost smiling like all Vulcan's do when they're trying to be pleasant as opposed to superior, but his shoulders were slightly hunched and Jim swore he could see a muscle twitching in the corner of his eye. Now, just beyond the pair was _his_ Spock who wasn't flipping the fuck out except for the fact that he totally was. It was just different sort of flipping out- _his_ Spock looked like he was trying to find a logical reason to go hide under the nearest rock. The Ambassador looked like he would very much enjoy flailing at the moment.

He could only guess this had something to do with the woman who was totally, totally hitting on the Ambassador. In a really obvious way, that was making one Spock twitch and the other Spock blush, except for that fact that they weren't, really, but if they'd been human that totally would have been what was going on. The only question now was: why?

He spotted Uhura shooting _his_ Spock- well, it was Uhura, so he supposed that should be _their_ Spock- worried looks over her juice from a few feet away. He moseyed over to where she was standing and said "Hey."

"Hello Captain," she said curtly. Jim frowned. This was party, a Vulcan party, yeah, but still! Party! Uhura totally shouldn't be frowning at a party.

"It's illogical," he concluded.

Uhura raised an eyebrow. Jim smiled because it wasn't a frown, and then elaborated. "You shouldn't be frowning."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because it's a party. And that," he pointed sneakily to where Ambassador Spock was still being hit on. "Is pretty funny."

"You think that's funny?" Uhura repeated, only like he had asked her a question.

"Well, yeah."

"Do you have any idea who that is?" she asked. Jim blinked, and tried to remember if Uhura knew who the Ambassador really was. He had been pretty sure she hadn't, but maybe she did. That seemed like the sort of thing you'd have to tell someone you were serious about- _oh by the way, there's an alternate future version of me running around. Good news is, though, I'll still be totally smoking when I am over 100 years old. _

"That's T'Pring," said Uhura, unkindly going in a completely different direction than Jim had been. "She used to be Spock's bondmate."

Jim thought about that for a moment. "Isn't that like a marriage?"

"The way it was explained to be was that it was less than a marriage, but more than a betrothal," Uhura said absently. "They broke it off amicably before Spock enrolled at Starfleet, but remain close."

Jim thought about that too for a moment, before breaking out into giggles. But he was quiet, and put his hand over his mouth so as not to totally offend the elderly Vulcan woman standing close by. "That makes it even funnier!"

Uhura glared at him. "How?"

"Look at his face!" he said.

Instead of looking at their Spock, she narrowed her eyes and looked at him. "How much of that juice have you had?"

"Uh..." he racked his brain. "Eight cups, maybe?"

"Captain Kirk," she exclaimed, like his name was a swear word. Her face crumpled.

"What?" He said, defensively. "You said the Vulcan's didn't get drunk off alcohol-"

"But humans do!" she hissed. Apparently they were attracting enough attention that Spock had stopped looking for his rock and started moving towards them.

"But if they don't get drunk," he reasoned, slowly. "Why would there be alcohol?"

"The taste of the berry juice is better after it has time to ferment," Spock answered, obviously having gotten the size of things from his question.

"...okay." He thought about it for a moment, trying to come up with a tally of how many 'totallys' there had been in his thoughts. "I'm officially drunk."


End file.
